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DRAMA, MAESTRA DE VIDA!

Cuando cumplí los 10 años tuve que enfrentar una de las realidades mas temidas por los niños, que sus padres se separen de manera definitiva. Mi padre siempre me hizo sentir como la niña de sus ojos y en aquel momento no fue distinto, no permitió me fuera con mi madre, él residiendo en los Estados Unidos y con estatus migratorio en proceso de regularización, me envío a vivir con una pareja de amigos de su entera confianza, los cuáles siempre fueron cariñosos y un modelo fiable y ejemplar para mi!, además no habían logrado tener hijos y esto los hacia más atractivos.

Con ellos, mis nuevos papás de turno, aprendí muchas cosas, dentro de las cuáles estaba, que no era especial de algún modo, que si algún alimento no me gustaba lo repetirían por tantas semanas como fueran necesarias hasta que aprendiera a quererlo y que si jugaba con mi amiguita del lado y llegaba después de las 8:00pm, encontraría la puerta de la que se suponía era mi casa, cerrada y tendría que pedirle a su madre que me permitiera compartir su cama, pues mis amorosos nuevos tutores me dejarían pasar la noche fuera, sin importar las calamidades o situaciones adversas que pudieran darse cita. También aprendí con ellos que el cariño se reserva con celo, que no se da gratis, y es un privilegio que no toca a todos.

Recuerdo que en la escuela estaba casi todos los días metida en la oficina de la psicóloga pues lloraba por los rincones casi a diario, eran muchas cosas que me provocaban confusión, difíciles de comprender para una niña con pocos adultos a su alrededor que se tomaran tiempo de explicárselas, y así fui caminando y con cada paso comprendiendo que la vida no era tan bonita como la imagine y que el drama estaba impregnado en ella, que era tan real y apabullante como el sol en un verano con temperatura sobre los 45 grados y poco podía hacer yo para quitarle fuerza.

A los 12, me entere de que mi madre había fallecido de parto de una forma tan absurda que aun hoy día me parece ridículo explicarlo, propia de los países subdesarrollados, condición maldita de mi adorada Isla República Dominicana, en donde hoy inclusive muchas zonas aisladas no cuentan con hospitales preparados ni siquiera con lo básico para afrontar emergencias regulares, imagina en esa época, más de 20 años atrás. Ella sufrió una hemorragia y el bebe nació con vida pero con dificultades respiratorias, necesitaba oxigeno, y no le fue proporcionado a tiempo. Su muerte fue declarada por asfixia y eso en resumen fue lo que me dijeron.

8 meses mas tarde Eridania, la Perla de Dios le decían, un alma pura y la persona mas noble que he conocido, murió en un accidente de transito a los 19 años, a causa de la irresponsabilidad de un chófer que iba con exceso de velocidad, y con esta tragedia sumada a la de mi madre se generaba que mi abuela materna perdiera su hija mayor y la menor en un lapso mas pequeño que el que corresponde a una madre en periodo regular traer al mundo una nueva vida.

A los 13 años me toco mudarme con mi hermano menor, pero esto paso después de haber tenido varias parejas más de tutores, con los cuáles no fue a mejor mi historia, y con él (mi hermano) me toco regresar al pueblo donde habían nacido mis padres, en vista de que mis abuelos paternos murieron cuando mi padre era pequeño y la relación con mi abuela materna por parte de mi padre no era la mejor, me toco alquilar una vivienda y afrontar responsabilidades de adulto, sin ningún tipo de experiencia u orientación. Esto genero muchos comentarios, haciendo tan real y honesta la frase ¨pueblo chico, infierno grande¨Recuerdo que algunas personas comentaban que si mi padre había perdido la cabeza, que como terminaría una niña en plena adolescencia sin ningún tipo de control, y a cargo de un niño mas pequeño.

En ese momento a una edad tan corta y tan compleja por todos los cambios físicos e internos que afrontaba tuve que decidir entre dos conceptos: la culpa y la responsabilidad… de quien era la culpa de todas aquellas situaciones que habían cambiado dramáticamente los capítulos de mi historia, quien debería arreglar todos aquellos eventos desafortunados? Mi vida era como una taza de porcelana y la habían dejado caer, a quien le correspondía por justicia levantar los pedazos y pegarlos sin dejar trazos? era fácil encontrar culpables.. Papá Dios, mi padre púes estuvo ausente tantos años (regreso al país cuando ya había entrado a la Universidad), mi abuela materna, el gobierno de turno cuando murió mi madre, el chófer irresponsable, mi madre que no pudo arreglar sus diferencias con mi padre y evitar la separación, esos tutores poco amables, y así podía continuar mi lista y hacerla muy extensa.. y con esta postura adentrarme en la faceta más absurda que puede asumir un ser humano, la de victima! era eso, o entender que no EXISTEN LOS CULPABLES, que las cosas son como son, y muchas veces nosotros no podemos hacer algo para cambiarlas, que el drama la mayoría de las veces era inevitable, y siempre de algún modo estaría presente, cuando me alejara de seres queridos por cambiar de lugar de residencia, cuando alguien traicionara mi lealtad, cuando no alcanzara el trabajo o la meta que me había propuesto, cuando se presentara un amor no correspondido, o perdiera físicamente a alguien importante…etc, pero que su existencia en mis emociones perdería poder solo si decidía enfrentarla, con la convicción de que la responsabilidad de mi bienestar era plena y exclusivamente mía, que si tengo que llorar, tocar fondo, atravesar momentos de duelo, aislarme para reflexionar, lo que fuera necesario, lo haría, pero a mi modo, con el tiempo justo para mi corazón, y me sobrepondría y continuaría mi camino.

Reitero en esta vida no existen los culpables, ESO NO FUNCIONA! El mundo es como es y no podemos cambiarlo por completo, el drama es real y en algún momento tendremos que hacerle frente, y tu vida, tu felicidad presente y futura ES TU RESPONSABILIDAD ABSOLUTA! Depende solo DE TI y de la capacidad y entereza que tengas de afrontar lo que venga.

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    Wow, querida Yamilka, mientras mas te leo mas te entiendo y me sensibilizo, me uno al dolor o me identifico con algunas de tus experiencias y tambien me disfruto de tu buen humor cuando aplica. Eres GRANDE y una mujer espectacular, y tu pasado te ha forjado como el DIAMANTE que brilla mas fuerte.

    Todo lo anterior, wow, digno de una pelicula dramática, sin embargo, por dichas vivencias hoy eres la gran mujer que nos permites conocer, y porque no aprender de ti. TE AMO YAM, SABES 4 PA’ TI ♡:)

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      No sabes lo bonito que se siente leerte. Me alegra tanto saber que te identificas con algunas de mis experiencias. Con este tipo de retroalimentación confirmo que este espacio va por buen camino. Gracias del alma por leerme. Un te amo y 4 enorme para ti también!!

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